“There is no pain greater than to be helpless in the face of a loved one’s suffering….”

This quote I found really compelling as I can relate to it personally and in my clinical experience. When you become attached to someone in a clinical environment or losing a loved one, you try everything in your power to help them, although you know nothing will help them. There is nothing that will cure them, make them feel better or relieve them from an indescribable pain. The person you grown to care for, their pain, you want to take it away with all your being but in the end you know you don’t possess that higher power of being able to do that.

Hence, this is how I felt when I watched for 10 years of my life my mom battling with cancer and eventually losing the battle 2 years later. I dreaded on those days when she had gone for her chemotherapy treatment and it came close to end of the day for school because I knew as soon I walked out of the school gates, I would be going home and see her. When I would see her, my heart would shatter in a million pieces because I know as she is lying there in bed she is suffering and is in pain but hides it with a crooked smile, so that I won’t see how much she is hurting. Every time when I got home from school and saw her, I would feel paralysis from the feelings of being helpless and powerless because I knew that there was nothing I can do to end her suffering.

In the last few days before she lost her battle with cancer, the feelings of being helpless and powerless it felt as it increased on the scale of 100 to 1000. I was by her bedside day and night scared I would miss the chance of saying goodbye. But looking at her when she was sleeping so peaceful, my heart would feel like it would shattered into a million pieces knowing there is no comparison to the pain she is going and the pain I feel, knowing how much she is suffering.

Therefore, in last week on my NMS block I felt those some feelings of  being helpless and powerless, when a patient, a mother, came in with agonising pain in her lower back.  After finding out why she was here and her past history and founding out she was also diagnosed with breast cancer. She also told me how her daughter is taking care of her and how her other family members have abandoned her, the moment she needed them the most. I immediately had empathy for this patient. According to Frankel & Riess (2017), the concept of empathy it was established in the mid 19th century by aestheticians and refers to a complex capability enabling individuals to understand and feel the  emotional states of others. Which directly results in a compassionate behaviour. Thus, I understood what she was going through emotionally and how much pain she was in. She reminded me of my mother and how both of them would hide their agony and discomfort with their crook smile. After my session with her, I realised how this was the first patient, in the last week of being at the block, I gave all my attention to and invested myself to give her the best treatment. I also made sure, that she was able to come back the next day, even though it was fully booked the next day.

In order for one to have empathy it requires cognitive, emotional, behavioral, and moral capacities to understand and respond to the suffering of others (Frankel & Riess, 2017). Frankel & Riess also states that it is important as a health professional to have the characteristic of being empathetic. As it improves the patient’s experience,  patient adhering to the treatment plan and better clinical outcomes. Which I experienced with this patient because I empathized with this patient I realised the treatment outcome was better compared to the other patients I treated during the block. She was also the only patient I made a home exercise program and educated her on her back pain  because I wanted to help her as much as possible. There is also not a lot of literature on having empathy for a patient and how to balance your emotions so your treatment is fair and not bias because of the patient’s circumstances. However, as health professionals we are taught to have empathy towards our patients, in order to treat them holistically.  But not taught how far is too far. It is empathized caring for the ‘whole person’ in a holistic manner is at the foundation of primary care (Derksen, Olde Hartman, Bensing & Lagro-Janssen, A (2016). Hence, during the  treatment sessions, and spending time with her, I was not thinking about what I was doing, was it ethically wrong.

Therefore, I realised, looking back how my empathy intensified into compassion for this patient. But also looking back to my experience with this patient, I did everything I could do to help with her “suffering” and I can see the good side but also the bad side of investing everything into this patient. I would became emtionally exhausted after my sessions with her. Thus, next time if something like this happens again I will stop myself when I see I am becoming too invested in a patient based on his or her circumstances.

References:

https://me.me/i/there-is-no-pain-greater-than-to-be-helpless-in-15748374

Frankel, R.M., & Riess, H. (2017). The Science of Empathy. Journal of patient experience, 4(2), 74-77. Retrieved on 28 October 2018 from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5513638/

Derksen, F. A., Olde Hartman, T. C., Bensing, J. M., & Lagro-Janssen, A. L. (2016). Managing barriers to empathy in the clinical encounter: a qualitative interview study with GPs. The British journal of general practice : the journal of the Royal College of General Practitioners, 66(653), e887-e895. Retrieved on 28 October from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5198671/