I PRAY GOD DOESN’T HEAR MY THOUGHTS
By Chandre Pinto
As I lay on my pillow, my head to rest
I think of all the patients that appropriately undressed
Invading their privacy, the bodies I must examine
Their pride, their integrity? I don’t give a damn
I think about all the things they could’ve done when they were younger
Exercise, eat right, quite smoking! to myself I wonder.
But smile and sympathise I must
Ashes to ashes dust to dust
Healing their bodies, my body is breaking
Someone please heals MY ACHING!!
I cannot be nice to them today, I do not want to speak
But speak I must even though I’m bleak
My mom yelled at me before I left to treat them
My heart is bruised, but I cannot show them
Pull yourself towards yourself I whisper to myself
Your life revolves around them and not YOUR health
Patient after patient I must pick up the pace
Manage your time although it is not a race
Patient sticker, patient meds
High blood pressure do not tilt their heads
Going back and fourth between right and wrong
I have no hope I have no song
But then after all is done
Hope is found in a special one
Someone encouraging, someone praying
Thank you much my angel is what they are saying
This isn’t half bad this isn’t that draining
A glimmer of hope is found in their eyes
Even though they are in pain when we mobilise
They need my help I shall try my best
To help them function and appropriately undress
During this creative process my initial idea was to relate my clinical experience to a movie called “Jack of The Red Hearts” but instead I wrote a poem based off the same theme. In the beggining lines I talk about how people make me feel when they don’t take care of their bodies at a young age , ignorant to the fact that they probably had no education on good health. As the poem goes on the reader gets an inside perspective to the dark thoughts of the therapist although the patient is treated with kind and compassion the motive is defiled. Towards the end of the poem we see how patients reaction towards therapy helps the therapist see hope and light, they are motivated again to help, and thus being a never ending cycle of good vs bad
3 thoughts on “I Pray God Doesn’t Hear My Thoughts”
Hi Chandre
Thank you for sharing this piece, I enjoyed reading it and could relate to quite a few statements.
Comments based on guideline:
Guideline: Poor Satisfactory Excellent
Content: Does the essay reflect the module content so far? Is it aligned with class discussion? (X Satisfactory)
Argument: Are claims made? Are the claims supported with evidence? Are reasons given for claims? (X poor)
References: Are they present? Correctly formatted? (X poor)
Writing: Is the writing grammatically correct? Are there spelling mistakes? Does the text flow logically? (X excellent)
General comments:
I think your piece is well written and that the consistent flow of paragraphs makes it easy to link and understand the different concepts.
The poem is quite broad so I struggled bit to relate it to a specific topic as I personally related the poem to various concepts within this module. I would therefore suggest that for the final choose a specific topic on which you want to focus. Also, you can try to bring in arguments related to your chosen topic and then find literature to strengthen your statement.
You are touching on different ideas in each paragraph, i think that you can elaborate more on this in the reflective piece and try to link it with the corresponding line within the poem to emphasize it a lot more.
I hope you’ll find this helpful
Well done.
wow!!! your poem is very amazing, it’s a nice poem i must say, i like how you structured your topic as well it’s really amazing.
paragraph 2 what are saying?? were the patients eating healthy and exercising when they were young or not ??
” ashes to ashes, dust to dust ” what are trying to say figuratively” ?? does it mean that you letting go of what has happened in past?? i think you should explain a bit.
paragraph 3,4 and 5 its fine but check your spellings and punctuation errors
overall your message is clear from your thoughts, to the encounter with patients and how u felt at the end. but check your spelling and make sure every line makes sense cause some line are confusing in terms of what exactly you trying to say.
try to find literature to support your topic.
thank you!!
Hi Chandre
Thank you for your submission. I thoroughly enjoyed your poem and I found it very honest and I could easily relate to the situations that you were describing! My comments below are according to the rubric guidelines:
Content: I thought the content of the poem was good. I think your poem explained the clinical practice scenario well but I think you should explain more in your reflection which specific ethical topic you are referring to.
Argument: I think that even though your poem is very good, you need to elaborate more in your reflection on your argument that whilst you are experiencing your own personal issues, you still need to treat your patient effectively.
References: I like that you explain that you used a movie as inspiration when writing your poem. My suggestion would be that you reference a short summary of what the movie was about and how it influenced your writing.
Writing: I think your reflection needs to be a bit longer with a bit more detail in order to effectively explain how your poem relates to ethics. I thought your grammar and spelling was good. One suggestion would be to change “Someone please heals MY ACHING!!” to please “heal” not heals.
Generally I really enjoyed your submission. My only other comment is whether your title relates to your content? Whilst I do understand that these are your thoughts, would it not be better to link it more to your patients – that you don’t want your patients to know that you are having these thoughts whilst you are treating them. Or if it does relate more to religion then substantiate why in your reflection.
I hope these comments help you!
Thanks
Halinka