You are young, street-smart and without a care in the world. You jump over fences just to chase sunsets. You are wild and free,
when suddenly…
You wake up; hear the same annoying beep but this time it gets louder, faster, stronger. A strange place, an unfamiliar face and you are being smothered by a neck brace. How do you explain to a 24 year old that facing death is no longer a concern, but life as he knew it was about to change?
Oxford dictionaries describes life as:
- The period between the birth and death of a living thing, especially a human being.
One earphone in his right ear, beanie pulled down just enough to cover his eyebrows and hide his eyes from the world. Always sitting, left arm relaxed and right hand under his chin. He was my first C5 complete SCI patient and I was terrified. How does an inexperienced, nervous girl convince a hardened young man that she is capable of helping him understand the meaning of his newly-adjusted life?
Every day, same routine:
- Fetch patient from ward
- Push patient to gym
- Spend 45 minutes walking on eggshells
- Push patient back to ward
Until one day, I greeted him in Xhosa and his face filled with amusement; this was a good day. A different day, I was sweating and he was smiling; with legs stretched out and arms grasping tightly, he was sitting. He was sitting all by himself, this was a good day. Soon after this he was sitting, balancing, reaching for balls and throwing them at his “tjommie”. For you and me this is minor but for him, a C5 complete, this was a very good day.
The last day was not just a good day, it was also a sad day. I was filled with emotions:
- happiness
- pride
- confidence
- amazement
- sadness
When looking at Too much empathy led to me having much less, a blog post by AGATHAJORDAAN (a current UWC third year), I found her perspective quite interesting and decided to look at her reference. When reading The Dark Side of Empathy: When Too Much Turns Into None by Dolce (2016) something stuck with me:
“People who work in helping professions tend to have big old hearts. We’re a naturally sensitive and empathetic bunch. Our ability to feel what another being is feeling is part of what drew us to the work we do.”
While doing further research on why my emotions got the better of me, I stumbled upon Newman (2017): Do Mixed Emotions Make Life More Meaningful? It is a short post describing how mixed emotions are familiar to many of us yet still mysterious to psychologists. It also links to a study performed to test human reactions with mixed emotions. However, the most thought-provoking statement reads: “The stronger their mixed emotions, the more actively they were searching for meaning in life, and (in turn) the more meaning and purpose they felt.”
Perhaps I did not know why he was crying, why I was crying, but perhaps I do now. Maybe it was not a matter of convincing anyone of anything at all.
Oxford dictionaries describes meaningful as:
- Having meaning
- Serious, important or worthwhile
- Communicating something that is not directly expressed
Maybe what we were expressing, that day, was a new-found belief towards a meaningful life and maybe, just maybe, this will stick with me for the next time around.
For more understanding on what a C5 SCI patient is capable of, have a look at Overcoming a Spinal Cord Injury: Claire’s Story
Reference list:
Attitude. (2017). Overcoming a Spinal Cord Injury: Claire’s Story [Video]. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dOoKGn_3KdM
Dolce, J. (2016). The Dark Side of Empathy: When Too Much Turns Into None [Blog]. Retrieved from https://jessicadolce.com/the-dark-side-of-empathy-when-too-much-turns-into-none/
Jordaan, A. (2018). Too much empathy led to me having much less [Blog]. Retrieved from https://physio.uwc.ac.za/pht402/2018/09/17/too-much-empathy-led-to-me-having-much-less/
Newman, K. (2017). Do Mixed Emotions Make Life More Meaningful? [Blog]. Retrieved from https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/do_mixed_emotions_make_life_more_meaningful
8 thoughts on “Meaningful life: A matter of convincing or believing?”
This piece is fantastic. It’s clever, informative and moving. Well written too!
Hi Robyn, I am glad my piece intrigued you and although you did not have to comment on this, I still appreciate your kind words.
Hi Melissa. First and foremost, thank you for sharing your piece with us to read and relate to. I found it very touching and your style of writing is beautiful, the way you put your feelings and experience into words. I can assure you that you have triggered every emotion in myself that you have felt on that day.
I really enjoyed reading your piece since you had my attention from the very start. I feel like it was a very smart choice to create an opening scenario for the reader to put himself in, and ending it off with a question which gives the reader an opportunity to think about what’s to follow before reading the rest. I also like the fact that you added a link at the end of the piece for readers who doesn’t know how serious and extreme a C5 complete is. This gives them the opportunity to learn more about spinal cord injuries and realize the extent of the dilemma you dealt with and grew from.
Another mayor point that stood out for me was that you captured the feelings of a typical physiotherapy student throughout your piece: the nervousness as you approached him for the first time, the everyday routine and all the emotions you feel after you’ve achieved a goal and established a patient-therapist relationship. In my opinion that made your piece relatable and strong.
I find it difficult to fault your piece or give you pointers as to where you can improve. I feel like you can maybe add a reference list at the end of your piece so that readers can go and look them up if they feel like it. Otherwise I cannot help you improve on your piece as I thought it is brilliant as is.
Overall I loved reading your piece, even multiple times. The layout is great with a logical flow that made it easy to read and understand. If you have any questions regarding my feedback I would love to hear from you.
Cara Uys
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Hi Cara, thank you for your kind words. I am glad you were able to read my post and really connect to all the emotions I expressed throughout. I appreciate your feedback and took it into consideration when I added my reference list at the end of my piece.
Hey Mel
First off, well done this is a great peice of writing. Your opening sentance caught my attention from the start and I could not help but want to read on. That first question you raised: “How do you explain to a 24 year old that facing death is no longer a concern, but life as he knew it was about to change?” Honestly I sat there for like a good 5min trying to come up with an answer….
I just loved the way you have explained your experience. I honestly felt like i was there experiencing it the entire time i was reading. It realy made me think about how we take so much in our lives for granted for example the ability to walk, talk and in this case to just be able to sit up independantly! To us its just somethig our bodys know how to do and we take little notice of it but for this patient judging by your post..it made his day.
Iv actually had a similar experience to you on my first block and it actually completely overwhelmed me to the point that i did in fact start trying to stop having so many feelings and showing less empathy to prevent these over whelming feelings.I guess one can ask where is that boundry line? When is too much and when is too little?
I red that post you included The Dark Side of Empathy: When Too Much Turns Into None by Dolce (2016) and it actually put a few things into persepective for me now so for that i thank you.
Overall a very well written and emotional piece.
Hi Megan, thank you for your kind feedback. I am glad you enjoyed reading about my experience and that my reference intrigued you. I appreciate that it was able to put things into perspective for you, as I have also occasionally struggled to find that “compassionate detachment” that she refers to in her piece. Hopefully this understanding helps us in the years to come.
Hi Mel,
A very intriguing and cleverly thought out reflection that I thoroughly enjoyed. You started off allowing the reader, myself, to enter into what your patient must have experienced instead of yourself. I could definitely use this method as it enable a greater understanding of the situation at hand.
What I appreciated the most was the way you sincerely empathised with your patient within your piece. You highlighted not only emotion but action within emotion. The references were well used making your reflection strong and the hyperlinks within made it easy to jump around to where you got your backing. Just don’t forget to reference everything at the end in a list.
Other than that, your piece was quite flawless. Maybe the bullet points could have been put into sentence structure rather to allow for slightly better reading flow.
I have gleaned a lot from your reflection and in future will be trying harder to form belief in my patient rather than trying to convince them of something that isn’t happening presently. Thank you for sharing.
Hi Kai, thank you for your feedback. I am happy you were intrigued by my piece and that you could place yourself in my patient’s, as well as my, position. I understand your feedback on my use of bullet points, but slowing the flow of the piece was exactly what I tried to achieve in that moment so that the reader is able to process each bullet point before continuing. I agree with you, hyperlinks make it much easier to switch between but I also took your feedback into consideration when I added my reference list at the end of my piece. Thank you for sharing how my piece changed your thinking towards achieving something with your patient.