As I lay on my pillow, my head to rest
I think of all the patients that appropriately undressed,
Invading their privacy, their bodies I must examine
Their pride? their integrity? My compassion is in famine.
I think about all the things they could’ve done when they were younger:
“eat healthy, exercise, quit smoking!” to myself I wonder.
But smile and sympathize I must
death to my compassion, Ashes to ashes dust to dust.
Healing their bodies, my body is breaking
someone please heal this constant aching.
I cannot sympathize today, I do not want to speak
but, speak I must, even though I am bleak.
My mom yelled at me before I left to treat them,
my heart is bruised, but I cannot show them
pull yourself towards yourself I whisper to myself
your life revolves around them and not YOUR health.
Patient after patient I must pick up the pace,
“Manage your time” although it is not a race.
Patient sticker, patient ‘meds’
High blood pressure? do not tilt their heads!
Going back and fourth between right and wrong
I have no hope I have no song…
But, then after all is done..
Hope is found in a special one,
someone encouraging, someone praying
“Thank you much my angel” is what they are saying.
A glimmer of hope is found in their eyes,
through their pain as we mobilize.
They need my help, I’ll try my best
to help them function and appropriately undress.
REFLECTION
During this creative process my initial idea was to relate my clinical experience to a movie called “Jack of The Red Hearts” which is about a girl pretending to be someone she is not to protect someone she loves. I decided to write a poem based off the same theme. As a Physiotherapy student it is difficult for me to sometimes find value in what I do because people do not take care of themselves as they should, this makes me uncompassionate in my treatment sometimes because I just focus on treating the symptoms and not the patient holistically. It is also challenging to switch off your emotions when entering a treatment room and detaching your personal emotions to help someone. At times I find myself wondering if any of it is worth is because we have to put up a facade of empathy and compassion when internally there is anxiety due to trying to process our emotions and the events that take course in our lives before having to be compassionate towards someone else. These thoughts in my head reveal a dark and twisted nature that can be frightening at times because and overcoming that is challenging. In the opening lines I talk about how people make me feel when they don’t take care of their bodies at from a young age as most of them suffer from chronic problems that lead to their current state (Wein, 2018), ignorant to the idea of people not having access to knowledge pertaining any of the lifestyle disease and education on good health. As the poem progresses the reader gets an inside perspective to the twisted thoughts of the therapist although the patient is outwardly treated with compassion the motive is defiled thus making the treatment process insufficient due to lack of willingness to help holistically. Towards the end of the poem it is shown how the patients’ reaction towards therapy helps the therapist see light in a dark place, the therapist is then motivated again to help, and thus putting the therapist in a cycle of wrong vs right where the latter is always hoped for.
References
Wein, H. (2018). How Your Eating Habits Affect Your Health. Retrieved from https://newsinhealth.nih.gov/2017/05/how-your-eating-habits-affect-your-health