“It kills me sometimes, how people die.” A famous quote by Markus Zusak in the novel, “The book thief” ( M.Zusak, 2007).

I always thought I understood this quote; it was something I often referred to when hearing about how gruesome some cases of death are. Close to the end of yet another block, I was rudely reminded of this oh so familiar quote.

When walking to the gym, to prepare for my exam, I passed a single bed room on my right. In my peripheral vision I saw the silhouette of a human being, however her skin looked glossy and pale and it resembled the live dolls the nursing students use to practice on. I then reversed to take a proper look and was very confused as this doll looked very lifelike. When I stepped closer, there was no breathing, and no sign of life whatsoever. The thought crossed my mind, maybe she was dead. Surely nobody knew, as no health professional would just leave a lifeless body in a ward, with the door and curtains wide open. I walked closer to the body lying in the bed, and at this point I was still very uncertain. There was no hair on her head and absolutely no colour in her cheeks or lips, I wanted to touch her to see if there was any reaction, but something just told me not to. I then left the room and continued to the gym to do my exam preparation, I spoke to my colleague about what I had seen, and she assured me that they wouldn’t just leave the dead body for the world to see.

An hour had passed, I left the gym and once again walking passed the single bed room, I took a peek and saw the body was still lying there in the exact same position. I then went to one of the clinicians, and asked her to come and check if the patient is okay, the clinician responded with a monotonous and blunt tone, “she’s dead”. This response completely shocked me, as her words were so cold and non empathetic. I then asked her why aren’t the bodies covered, or sent to the mortuary, she once again replied saying, that room is the mortuary, had a slight giggle and walked away. My colleague noticed me getting pale and instructed me to take a seat. I was completely shocked at this experience, and realised that in an entire ward, not one nurse, physiotherapist, or doctor even thought of closing the door or drawing the curtain, myself included.

This experience was traumatizing to say the least; at first the reality did not hit me. However when I returned to the gym, I had to pass the room again; the woman’s family was in the room crying and caressing the lifeless body that lie there. This event once again reminded me that we are all human and our lives are worth something to somebody. It took me a while to get over this day, my religion however played a huge part in coming to terms with what I have witnessed, I found a way of convincing my self that everything happens for a reason, and this woman is now in a better place free from pain and suffering.

Seeing the family grieve over the patient caused so much pain in my heart as it reminded me of all the people I have lost. It also made me wonder, was my family treated the same way this woman was, was my grandmothers dignity stripped away like that, was her lifeless body also left on show for the world to see? Will my mother or my father or even I be treated in such an undignified way? When did the health system start failing patients, when did we lose our humanity, and our empathy for others?

Upon leaving for home, I could not get the occurrences of this day out of my mind, I did not want to speak about it, I was completely shocked. All I could hear were the same words echoing in my head, “She’s dead she’s dead she’s dead….” When I returned to block the next day, the clinicians were mocking me, laughing at the pale look on my face and the shocked look in my eyes when the story was retold.

Death is defined as the process of dying, dignity is defined as something that attaches to people because of their personal qualities. According to Peter Allmark, health care professionals cannot consult on patient’s death with dignity; however, they can attempt to be certain that the patient does not die in an undignified manner (Allmark, P. 2007).

The staff at the placement could not control how or even when this patient was to die, they could however have changed their response to the death. Dignity is something that we build up while we are still alive, however the way in which we die often affects our dignity or our legacy left behind. As a health professional, we should respect the death of our patients, we should maintain their privacy in their absence of request, we should deal with it in our personal capacity and we should restore their dignity and remember that these patients are still loved and cherished by others. It is time that we restore empathy and respect in the healthcare systems.

REFERENCES

Allmark P. Death with dignity. Journal of Medical Ethics 2002;28:255-257

Zusak, Markus. The Book Thief. New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 2007.